Family is of the heart, not necessarily blood. I was a lucky child, my mom is wonderful. She is genuine, emotionally stable, a kind and intelligent nurse who always gave her all to my brother and I. My ruthless father made me a warrior while my dutch mother kept my heart pure. Of course, like all mothers and daughters, we had our shit to sort through.
Worrying. I always call my mom out for her worries as I am not responsible for her fears regarding me. NO. Don’t pull that love card shit on me, not gonna work. Fuck that mom. Those feelings are her responsibility, not mine. Worrying is not love, that is complete bullshit. When we love our capacity to feel grows, therefore, our capacity to feel fear also grows. Don’t get the two twisted, they are not cut from the same cloth. When we confuse them as the same we enter the minefield of codependency.
Fortunately, my mom is fiercely independent and I was raised to be self-reliant. In a way, she may have lost her independence many years ago, but I still see her free spirit.
I’ve never had to deal with dumb shit like my mom needing me unless it was an actual need such as a serious health issue. I’ve never been heavily guilt tripped by my mom and I am so grateful. Being the empath I am, I could always feel my mom’s worries and it caused major rifts between us. I kept my distance, we have never been close. Growing up, and still today, I leaned on my angels for emotional support, not my mom.
The distance with my family may have made me feel very isolated as a human, but I wouldn’t know love and freedom, as I do now, if my mom had been my emotional support. That disconnection served a purpose, it was a big blessing in disguise. Yes it was hard to feel alone all the time, but it made me strong and certainly a better medium between worlds.
As a teenager I was experiencing one of my suicidal moments and reached out to Kim, my spirit mom. I knew she was safe because she wouldn’t worry about me. She knows better, she knows it wouldn’t help anything and she is accountable for her worries. Being a mother of six, she’s had ample practice with surrendering her concerns to her faith. Instead of worrying, she remained calm and told me that she knew, without me telling her, that I was ready to give up. She then lightheartedly said, “but you can’t do that”. Immediately, I felt better. All I needed was to feel heard with the security of knowing I wasn’t worrying anyone. She followed up with me the next day, called to make sure I got out of bed and wouldn’t let me off the phone until I was laughing. It was the exact haven, acceptance and support, I needed.
Worrying is not only useless, it’s harmful. Worrying about someone sends negative energy to that person instead of supportive vibes. I have to energetically protect myself from my mom’s worries which is why I am extremely cautious what I share with my family. Even if we don’t talk, I can feel my mom’s, or another family member’s, anxiety and that just creates more self-work. It’s exhausting and an unnecessary burden.
My mom lost her mom to breast cancer when she was only eight-years-old. As horribly traumatic as that loss was, and still is, I can see how it served her. I can see the silver lining. My mom was not raised with typical maternal codependency since she could not stand being anywhere near her stepmom. The hatred towards her stepmom is probably the one thing the entire family agrees upon. She was a cruel and cold woman, my opa even agreed by eventually divorcing her. I think my mom became a very strong and independent person as a result of my oma’s young death.
I was born before my time and my mom had no clue how to raise a spiritually sensitive child like myself. My health, in every way, has been questioned and examined. Again, exhausting. She’s incredibly practical and did her best to support her daughter in a world that wasn’t ready for me.
I hate when people tell me that I can’t possibly know love until I have a child. FUCK YOU. That is so limited and entitled. It’s sad people don’t feel that deep, life-altering love until they have children. I do not know what it is to raise a child. That is true. But do not tell me I don’t know love. Do not tell me that I can’t understand worry because I am not a mother. FUCK YOU. Thank fuck, my best friend, Caitlin, who is a mother, hates that judgmental shit as much as I do. Sums up why we are besties😉 Her son, Levi, is growing up to be the kindest badass at everything🌈
Happy Mother’s Day AND wishing you an epic Hedonistic Birthday Cait!🧡33🥂
I also hate feminism. Stop bitching already, just LOVE. Everyone is going through something and the blame game is stupid. Divine feminine, divine mother, softens in becoming safely receptive to what is. She doesn’t engage in power struggles.
I am truly disgusted by the mothering of this world and my mom actually shares similar feelings. The world is raising children to be codependent because most have no fucking concept of what love is. My mom usually encouraged and supported my independence, the older I get the more I realize it was the best gift she could give. I am my own person, not a product of my parents’ hopes and fears. I AM ME. I am available for LIFE. I am free.
My mom and I haven’t seen each other in over a year, chat on the phone every few months or so, text occasionally, and it’s all good. We know we have each other’s backs. If she told me she needed me then I’d fly out and I know she’d do the same. Our relationship is secure and harmonious, a friendship 🙂 If she died today, I’d have no regrets. I respect my mom, always have, and I appreciate our time.