Hawaii Thus Far

– An impactful death, bewildering reunion with an old classmate, being homeless, becoming a live-in spiritual guide, an unforgettable romance, six month isolation, 17 day water fast, hitting financial rock bottom, family healing, a new luxurious beginning. These stories are my island highlights for the last twelve months. –

Starting off at June 1st, 2014 – Joanne’s return to spirit

Jo and I

In the days surrounding Jo’s passing, I felt steady waterfalls of light pouring through me. I had never felt such power at that magnitude. As tired and emotional as I was, I also felt invincible with an unbelievable clarity of what to do, exactly when to do it. I was calling in angels non-stop so the house was flooded in their vibration. In the days prior to Jo’s transition, I couldn’t talk her through such changes as her mind was lost in other realities, suffering with dementia. I had to approach her on a purely energetic level with these mental restrictions. The only way I can describe the days leading up to her death and the few days following was similar to that of a mild LSD trip. Everything was heightened in the cosmic world unlike shrooms where the focus is more of the body and physical reality. That feeling made perfect sense since thats exactly what I was doing by strengthening her connection to the ethereal world and detaching her ties to our Earth, making it a smoother transition from life to the afterlife. Experiencing that surge of benevolent energy was greatly moving, empowering as it stripped my ability to deny my purpose as a healer.

Jo’s family was beyond generous by allowing me to stay in the house for months following her death. For that whole summer, spirit told me to do nothing but work on myself, “Don’t look for a job; money will come. Don’t look for another place to live; it will show up.” This amount of faith required a new, higher level of consciousness. All summer I mostly worked through my fears of my material security. It’s not as though I was on the mainland with many friends offering me their homes or work if needed. I was very secluded on an island and my safety net was my faith. My place of focus and ability to surrender became more and more important as I relinquished the need to have conventional stability. I had to truly believe in the universe to support me without having a clue where or when this source would appear.

In the meantime, I was receiving signs that someone I knew would soon be moving to the island. It turned out to be a woman whom I have known since pre-school, all the way though high-school. Other than one particular day that summer, she hadn’t crossed my mind in years. Out of the blue, my brother texted to tell me she had relocated to the island. Her moving day happened to be that one same day I was feeling drawn towards her. Then for some reason, I started driving to a resort which I never visited. I stopped myself ten minutes into the drive, mostly because I was distracted by a rainbow and started chasing it, but while I was pulled over it hit me where I was driving to and wondered why the hell I was going there. I found out later that night, I had been on my way to the same resort she moved to. Long story short, I received numerous confusing signs about our purpose together. And for whatever reason, she just had to see me at my two most vulnerable and fearful times since I had come to Hawaii. – I needed someone familiar to represent certain relationships with people from my past in order to push me to face my fears. This offered enlightenment into how far I really have come, that I actually have moved on. – I no doubt made an ass of myself, but somehow after I did I felt so much lighter like I had done what I was supposed to do and now the right things were free to manifest. It was a huge test for speaking my truth as I sounded absolutely ridiculous. And while I may have lacked some grace, stumbling my way through the whole uncomfortable situation, I reached a new liberating level of expression which I feel was the purpose of that entirely bemusing experience. Seeing her was a major catalyst for change and I am grateful to her for being that compassionate conduit.

After that whole situation, I suddenly saw myself being homeless and I was actually excited, even looking forward to it. I felt the call to travel the island, just felt as though it’s exactly where I belonged. Now, I was feeling amazing regarding the future. I still didn’t know where my money would come from, but I could feel wealth on it’s way and knew I’d have it when I needed it. I was at peace from that point on. Two days before I had to be out of the house, I was taken to meet a really sweet couple who just so happened to be my home base while I was traveling. We traded spiritual sessions for an occasional couch to crash on, showers and loads of laundry. It was perfect timing. The day before I moved out, my previous boss mentioned how I should look into benefits for unemployment. As it turns out, I was completely eligible and financially set for the next six months. Everything was working out.

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I spent the first couple of nights camping on a cliff with a clear ocean view. I started a short water fast because I was too lazy to bring food up or deal with the bugs that would follow. I wanted to stay longer, but there wasn’t enough shade and I needed to be in a cooler environment. On my second night, I was awoken by a spirit stomping on my stomach while yelling at me, “the park is closed and you need to leave!” It was the middle of the night and he was nuts if he thought I was going to break down my tent and haul all of my stuff down the cliff. And yes, I already know the park is closed as I am the only one in the whole place and the gates don’t open till morning so I couldn’t leave even if I wanted to. I was not a happy camper as he obnoxiously woke me out of a pleasant dream to harass me with this crap. I stated how I wasn’t leaving so he either needed to get over me being there, or leave. He left and I drifted back to my happy place. I found out later how I probably encountered a soul which Hawaiians refer to as Nightmarchers, you can look that one up if interested.

I had no idea where to go after the cliff. I was scared, feeling lost while sobbing in my car. I asked spirit where I presently belonged – I heard the couple’s house my home base). Yet, I was reluctant to listen because I didn’t know how long I was going to be without a place to live, afraid of intruding on their space and wearing out my welcome. I wanted to conserve that option as back-up in case I really needed it later on. After a few more hours of my stubbornness and tears, I finally listened to spirit and it was the best thing I could’ve done. I felt so refreshed the following morning and moved on to another spot.

The next place was a tiny campsite right on the water. It had plenty of trees so I stayed there the rest of the time while I was without a home. It was also conveniently located ten minutes away from my home base. There were many nights where I was alone at the campground. One day, I came back and there was a man talking to himself who camped pretty close to me. I stopped for a second and asked spirit if it was safe for me to stay there. They told me to tune into his energy – I didn’t sense aggression, but I felt a great deal of sadness. Spirit then explains, “yes, it is safe for you to stay here, he’s too sad to assault you. You’re fine, don’t worry.” Well alright, that worked for me. I just called in extra angels and asked them to bring him comfort and healing. This was a monumental moment where it was obvious how many fears I had healed. If I had encountered this situation five years ago, there’s no way I would have stayed that night. I would’ve been emotionally lost in my own fears as well as the rational mindset that it wasn’t safe to be around a strange and clearly unstable man while alone. Now, I felt completely protected as I knew spirit’s guidance wouldn’t be subtle if I were ever in danger.

I spent every night watching the moon migrate across the sky while dancing under the stars, I loved every moment of it. There was this log the waves would crash upon which became my space to watch all the meteors. That is one of my favorite things about the island, there’s always an abundance of shooting stars. One morning, I woke up to a whale splashing it’s tail directly in front of me, connecting with the haven of nature was effortless.

During my pilgrimage, I had been in a contact with Aliel, a woman I’d met as a client. Aliel’s situation was different than what I had worked with before; she was experiencing a spontaneous Kundalini Awakening. I had barely heard of this phenomena, but quickly learned how severe it can be. This was an insane switch for Aliel who wasn’t even aware of the basic tools for spiritual sensitivity. She was cosmically blown open while entirely overwhelmed with her new hyper sensitive state. Aliel was planning on moving off the island in two short months. After I worked on her the second time, it was obvious I wasn’t going to be able to help her enough with how little we were seeing each other. Back at camp, I was starting to tire of sleeping on dirt and began desiring a home again, I had only been living outside for two weeks and was already over it. I knew that meant an opportunity would be coming up since my desires are usually aligned with my truth. I made a request to spirit after seeing Aliel, “if it is in our truth for me to work with Aliel, helping her adjust to her new sensitivity, then please create the perfect situations in perfect timing.” I didn’t tell anyone about my prayer. The next morning, I woke up to a text from Aliel relaying how spirit told her to inform me that space had just opened up in the house she was living at. We both felt it was right for me to move in. Suddenly both of my concerns were resolved, so began a six week journey as a live-in spiritual guide.

Aliel’s rapid transformation required daily healings, readings, and counseling to properly balance her energetic field while keeping her centered in collective reality. She was centered enough where she wasn’t in danger of slipping into a state of psychosis so I wasn’t worried about her, I knew she’d be alright. My purpose was helping her understand her evolution while making the experience as comfortable as possible.

I wasn’t seeking the opportunity to become a guide, the situation simply fell into my lap. I felt challenged, yet more than capable of helping Aliel as I have personally experienced too many similar struggles to count. That valuable position taught me not only to embrace my calling as a healer and mystic, but also as a guide. I had never felt more in my element than when we were working together. I felt the purpose behind all of my readings in high-school, my sessions in my Humboldt healing center and my endless self-work. All of those experiences couldn’t have better prepared me to be her guide. I grew immensely and was very grateful for that temporary role.

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The week of my birthday, December 18, was approaching which was making me feel homesick for my siblings and Humboldt family. Hawaii is a gorgeous laid back lifestyle, but people seem to be so concerned with being respectful that they suppress their expression, I’ve also heard how the Kona side is more uptight than Hilo. Living here has surfaced tremendous appreciation for my time in Humboldt. People are also chill and courteous, but they simply don’t give a damn what anyone else does. Being surrounded by this liberal community gifted me with self-acceptance, free expression, and inner peace, nourishing these invaluable treasures is a practice I’ll always make a priority.

Fortunately, I met two significant soul mates during this time. Maija, a trauma nurse who was vacationing from Sweden, instantly became one of my closest friends. Then there was Kol, an incredible man who had visited Hawaii for many years. Maija was experiencing challenges with her spiritual sensitivity. We worked together to make sure she would be able to harness her clairsentience when at home. She is getting stronger, happier as protecting herself is becoming easier and deciphering which energies are hers is getting more clear. She’s also starting to help others understand their emotions and how their spiritual sensitivities may be the culprit to much of their confusion and inner turmoil.

Kol and I met right after I had taken Maija, swimming with the dolphins. As we were hanging on the beach, smoking some herb, we realized not only were we both from Humboldt, but we also attended Humboldt State University during the same years. I was drawn to him the moment I saw him in a way I had never really experienced before. I always know when I meet important people in my life so I am used to the feeling of sudden family, but a romantic soul mate was new territory. As strong as my feelings were, I knew our purpose was short-term (on the romantic realm); we were not meant to be together in this life. I also clearly felt when it was right to spend time together and when we both needed space. There wasn’t a moment of drama and we were blessed with chemistry, passion, true love, and so much fun. We felt entirely comfortable while reminiscing how we were picking up where we left off from other lives. The whole experience was extremely validating and empowering as I was able to stay so calm and emotionally detached to possible future outcomes. I somehow completely loved him, but was also at peace with the thought of not seeing him again. Kol shared how meeting me gave him hope for another marriage while I expressed my gratitude for being a beautiful example of my future husband; I’m sure our paths will cross many more times throughout this life. Celebrating my birthday with Maija and Kol was purely a gift… exactly the energy I wanted, needed.

The following six months seemed never-ending. I barely saw anyone on the island and I didn’t do anything other than work on myself. Spirit told me that I needed this time of isolation; I was more frustrated than I had felt in a while. I wasn’t depressed, but I was definitely fighting that feeling at times. It took work to shift my perceptions into present gratitude instead of the irritation of being in a long hibernation. I took two significant trips to California which got me through those months of solitude. On the first trip, an old friend’s father passed so I flew back to spend some time with her. I also got to spend valued time with my brother; he’s just the best. Synchronicity favored a visit to my amazing sister who I hadn’t seen in two years. I may not have much contact with my brother or my sister, but I am blessed with very easy, honest, and close relationships with both of them. My siblings give me sublime strength as I can always feel their complete faith and trust in me. Everything I do to heal and follow my heart is for myself, but they are my motivation. I want to live my dreams so that they know it is possible for them as well. The second trip was to my best friends’ wedding. I finally got to party all weekend while spending time with soul family. It was an honor to speak at the ceremony for two of the most important, beautiful people in my life.

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When I returned to Hawaii, I began a seventeen day water fast. I completed a ten day fast three years ago because my mind was flooded with financial fears and I didn’t like who I was at that time. Fasting completely cleared those thoughts and helped me shift my belief system. I have never experienced a mindset that unpleasant again. This time, I was feeling great mentally and physically. However, spirit explained that my consciousness was operating at a higher frequency than my physical body; fasting would quickly clear out all of the old emotions which were still stored in my body (even though I had already worked through such matters consciously). I needed my body and mind to be in harmony and they weren’t at that point. During the fast, I didn’t experience any detox symptoms which was nice and I also rarely felt emotional. Around day ten, the dizziness subsided as my body finally adjusted to my lower blood pressure. I even had more energy to do a few important things instead of just resting. Most of the fast was spent sleeping, practicing yoga, writing, meditating, and making Netflix my bitch. On days 12 – 15, I was in a cute hobbit house off the grid, at a higher elevation. I unfortunately didn’t drink enough water because I wasn’t used to that altitude. As a result, I found myself feeling ill on day 17 so I decided to break the fast instead of trying to recover from mild dehydration without food. The fast definitely shifted my vibration as I could feel energy flowing through my entire body again, whereas it was only moving through my crown chakra before the cleanse.

I was starting to eat again and completely broke; I had never not had money like this before. I was fortunate that the house I lived in always fed everyone, but they seldom had fresh produce. Luckily, there were tons of ripe mangoes in the garden. Those mangoes were a godsend in breaking the fast. Before long, that abundance ended and there was no pure food available… everything was processed and my body was completely detoxed from the fast. I didn’t feel ill from the food, but I also didn’t feel good (I felt better during my fast). My skin was starting to breakout and I really needed things to change.

I had been bitching to spirit for months about my financial security. I was incessantly working on making sure my focus was on abundance instead of my fears. I was exhausted at trying to manifest everything for half a year, feeling quite pissed off that I had been working on it the whole time and now scared that I was about to be homeless in two weeks. I was surrendering and not focusing on anything anymore, so over this shit. The only work I practiced was channeling light to make sure my energy was staying clear. I didn’t think about the future. Anytime I had asked what to do for six months, the answer was always,”wait.” I was often screaming and crying at spirit, something along the lines of, “fuck you guys, this is bullshit!” I always feel clearer and calmer after I vent; I was releasing blocks to my desires. Spirit constantly reminded me to stay out of victim mentality. I wasn’t stuck, I had free will and I could always choose to get a job or move. But instead, I was choosing to listen to my intuition by summoning faith, waiting like I was being guided to do.

Finally, things started shifting less than a week before I had to be out of the house. I asked the same damn question I had been asking for six months. This time however, the answer was different, “call Dawn.” Dawn had been floating around my mind for a year. I knew there was significance with her sometime in the future, but it never felt like the right time. And every time I was told to, “wait,” she would cross the back of my mind very subtly. So, I called Dawn and explained my situation. She told me when she saw me a month ago she had a fleeting thought, “she’s not going to be happy there much longer and she’s going to come live with me.” She expressed how she had been expecting my call and was wondering what was taking me so long. I met up with her for dinner the next day and the following day I was moved in. She just bought a beautiful two bedroom house and had only been living in it for two weeks. It was perfect timing.

I was still screwed financially so I was asking for guidance on how to resolve that mess. Whenever I had previously asked, I always heard that I would eventually have to ask my parents for help. I did not like that answer. In the past, financial assistance always came with power struggles and no one was ever happy with the outcome. I felt ashamed, guilty that I needed help and they always had countless questions regarding my future plans. Such inquiries triggered unnecessary pressure, stress, and feelings of unworthiness. The whole situation always felt controlling and unhealthy even though their hearts were in the right place. I realized during my fast that what I really feared was losing the closer relationships my full independence had allowed me to build with them. However, I also knew that because I was fearing it so much, I was ultimately going to have to ask for help in order to heal those fears. I worked past my pride, feeling confident and worthy and called my parents. I simply stated how I was in a situation where I needed help along with how much money I needed. Their response, “No problem. I’ll send it out today.” There were no questions or conditions. As soon as I got off the phone, I felt waves of light and abundance wash over me. I had just removed whatever financial blocks I was carrying and now prosperous treasures were about to find me. I had been working through my pride and worthiness and my parents were working on accepting detachment from their grown children. Spirit also explained how their minds are now at ease in knowing I will actually ask for help when I truly need it. We all turned over a new leaf.

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When I met with Dawn, she told me about a job opportunity with one of her patients. She had thought of me for the position for a while, but never felt that it was the right time for either of us… until now. As soon as she told me about the situation, I felt as certain about it as I did the moment I heard about Hawaii (I instantly knew I’d be moving to the island). I met with the elderly couple a few days later. They were so sweet and laid back. I knew they were soul family and that we all have a purpose together. It’s a live-in position in a gorgeous gated community with lavish homes (and their lap size pool). They don’t need much help so I would only be working part-time which is exactly what I wanted. I am finally feeling called to begin planting seeds for my spiritual career and this secure situation couldn’t be more perfect for that freedom.

It’s been a very challenging year, but with countless blessings. I feel like a different person as I have never felt this light and liberated. I trust myself more than ever to always know what to do, where to go, and when to be there. Everything I am desiring is ultimately attracted to me and my dreams are only growing as my beliefs become increasingly unlimited. I feel like I’m already living my Heaven on Earth and I know things are essentially only getting better.

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What brought me to the island – Home Sweet Hawaii

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