Rebirth is hell, there’s no way around it. Rebirth requires full commitment to exploring and loving our shadow side. It is an exceptionally disorienting, multidimensional, trek which one cannot fathom unless willing to feel all of their pain. It is to teach us the gift of pain so we stop running scared, allowing our fears to control us.
I’ve been in rebirth since fall 2017 and I’m just now getting out of my hell. It all started when I, cautiously, entered a global gifting pyramid then blew it up by exposing their manipulation tactics. Greed was the energy of the stupid ass new age group, not love, not abundance. My warrior self was activated and I haven’t been the same since. A trip to Sweden, in Freya’s land, solidified my purpose as a leader and warrior for magic.
As time went on, Hell intensified. I was a caregiver for an elderly couple for five years. The man has Parkinson’s, and with both of their declines, the job became incredibly stressful. I was constantly on call, for at least, the past year. I love the couple, but things ended harshly, abruptly, and I found myself homeless during a global pandemic.
Days before homelessness reigned over, I finished filming my fate. I reached out and told my story, a day I’ve always known would come. Immediately following my attempt to unite with destiny, shit went down with my oldest childhood friend. I suddenly became brutally aware of our disconnection, that we probably haven’t really connected in several years. When I’m sharing about my life, we are not actually on the same page, we’re in two totally incompatible worlds. This relationship has always been challenging and filled with big lessons, it is definitely one of my blind spots. Leaving us both in shock, my voice calmly demolished our dynamic.
I have lived in my car before, but it was very strange to not even be able to shower. Things just weren’t lining up to stay anywhere, nothing and no one in mind felt right, and all of the beach shower spots were closed. Shout out to water wipes. I was stuck in my car for a week, almost out of money, and I just had to sit in my frustration. Bear in mind, I’ve also felt physically ill for two years with this intense rebirth detoxing. Imagine feeling shitty from the flu then add chronic nausea and, taxing, convulsions. Not fun.
Feeling sick was not helping my mood. I sat there screaming and crying because there was nothing else I could do except feel everything and surrender to divine timing. Ok, so I can’t shower? I’ll survive. I guess I don’t actually need a shower like I think I do because if I needed it then I’d have the option. It’s that simple with spirit. What else.. No food? No money? No problem. I can adapt. If needed, water fasting could be a good option since I’ve done it in the past, for seventeen days. I’ve also spent a strong decade healing my relationship with food and my body. I don’t actually need food. I can easily go without for weeks, I know how to safely listen to my body for that freedom. With that truth, I spent the little money I had on my Spotify subscription. I can live without food, I can’t live without music. Priorities.
After a week of sleeping in my little sedan, things started falling into place, magically. Synchronicity brought me to an abundant macadamia nut, banana, and coffee farm, I’m suddenly surrounded by unlimited food sources. My friend set me up in a beautiful spot while expressing her desire and devotion to help me get back on my feet. I gratefully receive this help as I know I need it to work through the trauma I’ve accumulated over the past couple of years.
Speaking of trauma, I met a new love while pioneering my hell. If it started in hell then you can guess how it ended, our relationship severed once I completed my purpose. The lessons.. oh the fucking lessons. I’m extremely relieved it’s finally over.
Rebirth demands your willingness to let go of everyone and everything you know. You have to become a blank canvas, completely trusting life. If you are truly willing to give up a relationship or situation then it can be purified. This doesn’t necessarily mean the ending of a relationship, but it does end the toxic dynamic so that it can take on a new form in this life or another.